Falling in love is not by choice, but by chance. Staying in love is not by chance, but by choice: Notes from an Indian Matchmaker

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Disclaimer: The thoughts below are our own, and you may not agree with us. So, we can just agree to disagree.

We’ve been working very closely with a few clients now, rather than take on a whole lot of clients. Working closely with select clients who are ready in their lives to explore a serious relationship is far more rewarding for us.

 

Those of us who are in the “love-bandwagon” feel that love happens a few times in your life, and that too, only if you’re lucky. Strangely, we find that the men in this country believe in love (or rather the concept of love) far more than the women do. Perhaps it’s because that women are far more practical and men, are just living in the world of cinemas and theatre!

 

There is a quote on the internet that made a lot of sense to us – falling in love is easy, and it’s not by choice, but by chance. Staying in love (aka marriage/relationship) is not by chance, but by choice. Making a relationship or a marriage work is really hard work. We get that. But we owe it to ourselves that before we do commit ourselves to the “one” – that the “fundamentals” match up. If the fundamentals do not match up, we’re just setting ourselves for a lot more work than what we signed up for. Some of these fundamentals are the common values, family backgrounds, financial expectations, personality fit etc.

 

We fall in love with a few different souls during our lifetimes. If the chemistry matches up, then the timing is a real bitch. If the timing is right, then the chemistry is real bitch. If both match up, then perhaps fundamentals become a real bitch in the long run (this is still workable, if they both feel very strongly about each other). We are powerless to control the fate of our relationships, no matter how suave, educated & rich we think we are. Destiny has a big part to play in whom we end up with.

 

Once we’re in our late 20’s and 30’s, we feel that we’re ready to look for “love”. We’re not a whole lot concerned about making it work just yet. That’s really the after-thought. So we end up on different dating apps, and try and date a few different people to figure whom we could share that chemistry with. We at A World Alike, have not really understood dating in this country. We think both men and women approach dating with very different mindsets and agendas, and if we were to meet people who fulfil our checklists, they typically are not the ones we are going to end up with. Based on our understanding of the Indian dynamics, we feel that men typically do not marry the women they date, but rather choose their life-partners that is somewhat influenced by their parents (at least for the men in their 20’s). Women on the other hand, like to stay a bit more independent in this process, mostly because their parents are still a bit old-school, and may not completely comprehend or understand her independent outlook towards life, and the changing gender-dynamics in this country.

 

We really deter from dating ourselves. We think it’s great when we’re young, to go on as many dates as possible, because it also helps us explore ourselves. But if you’re at a point in life where you’re looking for something more substantial, dating apps could make you feel emptier than ever before. And worse, a lot more heartbroken too! After all, we’ve tried our hands at dating apps. We’ve even hosted 300+ events across the country. 3 years of all this, and we have realized one thing – that curation in this country is impossible and meaningless, and that everybody is on their own timelines.

 

We really believe that love is the ultimate purpose of our lives. You could make a million dollars, have mansions and cars, beautiful women, and after all that, you’re going to struggle for truth. Love gives us that truth. But just like getting a dream-job is our ultimate professional pursuit, keeping the job itself is a lot of work, much like love is. If it still doesn’t work out, then dust yourself off, let go of all the baggage, and get ready for round 2. But never give up on that dream-job, or on love. We think of marriages as a transaction, mostly because we need to keep ourselves unemotional, and objective. We’re matchmaking on fundamentals so you don’t have to worry about that. But for you, it’s not really a transaction. But at the end of the day, you’ve got to play with your gut! No matter how you skin the cat, marriage is a gamble. Whether it’s arranged or if you’ve known him/her for 10 years. It’s a gamble either way, so we urge our clients not to downplay their gut feelings. It’s all we have really.

 

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With Love,

Team AWA

Rahul Singhania

Client Lead, AWA Plus