A Member’s response: Dear #Sapiosexual Men

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Disclaimer: This post is written by a member in response to Founder’s Note: The Dating Apocalypse! What’s up with Swiping Right & Finding Love? The views are personal, and no way is it a generalization for all the men out there. This post is written here verbatim to stay true to the author’s perspective. We welcome your responses. Please write to us at team@aworldalike.in.

If you believe me I came to know about Tinder in January this year and one fine evening when I was browsing through some matrimonial website and was hugely disappointed and bored by those profiles and interests that were in my inbox , that I thought “Let me give Tinder a shot”. Ohh that devilish thought!

I wish it hadn’t crossed my mind on that rainy evening in the month of May. I thought I would just be able to survive Tinder for a week and would getaway from it as I used to consider myself as “not-a-Tinder-person”. That randomness had led to a paradigm shift in the later months however I launched myself on Tinder the other day. Blame it to the extra advanced cameras with amazing resolution and quality which can make you look like a model even if you don’t wear a tinge of make-up or despite being a software engineer you don’t know how to use adobe photoshop.

Your picture gathers for you some unexpected attention and it massages your ego like anything. No matter if you are fully cladded or if your flaunt your cleavage, that you would be scanned in and out, that every part of your body is under scrutiny and if this is not sufficient then pops a request “Can you share more pictures of yours, I can’t see you properly”. Ahh, you can’t see me properly ? And you swipe right me ? Really? Anyways “Request Declined”.

This won’t disappoint your suitors for hook-up at all. So, a girl would normally have more than 20 guys on her list ready to take her to the moon in order to ask her out on a date, and this is when she selectively swipes right, however a guy would rarely have that big a count although he swipes right on pretty much anyone. The audacity of guys on Tinder is so inspirational for an egoist like me, that they would in their second statement say “Let’s hook-up”. It sounds indeed awkward because there are few foreigners as well on Tinder and I can bet none of them had ever said this so blatantly “Let’s hook-up” as our so-called traditionalist Indian guys say. Most Indian guys would try to explain you the real meaning of Tinder – which is come over and get in bed without doing anything at all. They would be such a different person outside Tinder world that you would be amazed to learn the dirtiest fantasies of Indian guys who can never gather the guts to approach a girl personally and ask her for a “hook-up”.

I feel that the majority Indian men possess such a questionable character that you feel like saying this upfront to them when they come up with a request to sleep with you and all the same they would constantly judge you by saying ” So why are you on Tinder / What made you to come on Tinder”, “Do you have a boyfriend”, “Are you married”, “How is your sex life going”, “How often do you hook-up” etc etc.

Tinder is an ocean of “Married Men”, who do not find thrill in their married lives and think that Tinder can be the source of that missing enjoyment in their bedroom techniques. Men fall out of their marriages and do not hide about it but come out in open and say I am here for a hook-up. This transparency is the only thing that I appreciate about men on Tinder.

Compliments will be showered on you day in and day out , some of the really interesting ones are ” You have got lovely calf muscles” – This one compliment has taken over me so much that I have bench marked it in the series of horrible compliments. “You have got a pointed and straight nose”, “You look cute, will you marry me” – yes its not just the women who use the M word, men also use this word on a dating app.
Their profile descriptions would be like they are the most sought after ones , e.g. #conversationovercoffee #longdrives #EDM #Sapiosexual #cuddlier #fitnessfreak #doglover #heretofindlikemindedpeople #psychedellic.

Wow! Impressive isn’t ? One word caught my attention “Sapiosexual” , which google describes as the one who gets a turn on by intelligence. Ironically such are the guys whom you would unmatch in first fifteen minutes of conversation with them. I asked a guy to take me on a long drive as he loved #longdrives. The reply was I don’t own a car and I don’t know how to drive, would you teach me? Sigh ! That’s an insignificant example of what one wants to be and what he is in reality.

You handpick a few decent guys who have other topics like Game Of Throne, Music Concerts, travel etc apart from explaining you the concept of “hook-up” and you go out on a date with them. Good experiences, profound conversations and a positive vibe comes from these guys, however such people are 1 in 100. After exercising extreme caution before meeting the guys on Tinder, you too fall in a trap on some occasions, when an IIT and IIM A pass out lures you for a drink to a lounge with all sophistication and no-nonsense chats and later you realize he turns out to be a pervert, who requests you and begs you for a one night stand. Tinder never stops to amuse me and entertain me during the moments of sheer boredom.

For the men in general, my opinion is that they are the most confused creatures ever born on earth and they try to make this world as complicated and as difficult for others as well as for themselves. If they come to Tinder with an open mind, probably they can get more than what they desire or intend to. Their closed mindedness and judgmental attitude for every female on Tinder makes them a turn off and they loose out their chances to date and have a good time.

Divyani Bhatnagar, New Delhi